Dreams

I had the worst, or maybe the best, dream of my life last night. I was in labor with Leah and Maya and I was holding them after wards and Leah was perfectly fine! Maya on the other hand did not make it : ( But my dream was so vivid that I remember exactly what Leah's eyes looked like, huge pretty blue just like her daddy's looking right up at me. I remember how she cooed and wiggled around. Why the heck did that have to be a dream?!?! Why not reality? Is that so much to ask for? She was BEAUTIFUL!!!! Also, what does this mean? I know that some dreams have hidden meanings and there are people out there that can tell you what you really feel when you have a strange dream like this. Does it mean that Leah actually had a chance of living if we would have done something differently? What about Maya? So many questions, so few answers. But, I suppose this is how it will have to be. I will never find out the true answers to all my questions untill I meet my maker. So flusterating.