Yummy Ice Cream!

We are off to go scoop some ice cream. Coldstone is doing a benifit for my friend Katie's Kidney Dialysis fund.














Wow! Isn't that awesome!?!?! It just amazes me sometimes how nice people can be! How giving and how un-selfish they are! I can get so caught up in my own bubble sometimes that I forget about what else is going on with everyone else! Am I crazy, is that normal? I feel kinda bad about it! It's times like this where my bubble gets popped and I see how others live their lives. Well,.. it feels like I am babling now. I hope to see some of you tonight!! It should be a good time!

Going up...

Sorry I have not posted in a while. I have noticed that I usually post when I am having a bad day. That, in turn, gives all of you the impresion that life isn't getting any better and that I am still struggling pretty badly. Not ture. My life is a terribly long rollercoaster for me right now. I have my ups and downs, turns and bumps. The good news is that there have been more ups in the past month than before (hence why there are less postings). I am currently on my way up from falling. If that makes sense. I hate to say it but when I 'fall' or have a bad day, it's really bad. From no where, all my emotions come back up and it's very hard to describe. I just hurt inside, emotionally that is. I dunno. People always ask how I am doing still and I cannot describe it. The only way to truely understand how it feels to loose your children is to actually go through it and I would never wish that on anyone!!!!!!
I am trying to get my head focused on the positives and future (as always) and by doing that I changed the title and picture of my blog. I miss my girls and would love to introduce them to the world by having their pics and names in my title. I have to say, though, that this blog is more about my struggle and moving on with my life. Hence the change.
Please keep me, Mike, Leah, and Maya in your prayers. I would really appreciate it!

Grant me peace!

I lost Leah and Maya over 2 months ago and I still wonder. I can't help but think today that I would have been almost 8 months pregnant with the girls. I can't help but lay and wonder what could have been, what should have been! Like I have said before, I try to enjoy the good things in life. A sunny morning with blue skies to wake up to, a pedicure, a swimmer or parent showing appreciation for what I do everyday, or just the tight hug from my hubby. I try to stay in the moment and soak up everything. Much much easier said than done! I know in the back of my head that God has a greater plan than I could ever understand or (at the moment) appreciate. I just,... ...I dunno. It's so tough! God is really testing me today that's for sure!
Well,... I suppose I should go and try to sleep! God Bless! ~kell~

Grrrrrr,...

So flusterating. I got the results from my blood tests and they all came back normal. My hormones are good (relativly speaking) and whatever else they tested for looked good. So, my question is why aren't things 'back to normal?' Aghhh,.. The nurse said to give it another week and control the pain even more with meds. Then call them back if it's still bad. It's already been two weeks! Oh well,.. I guess the positive is that we won't have to deal with anymore doc bills for now. (We have been paying out to everyone it seems laitly! Such a drain on our account!) So I will deal with it for now and pray that things are just fine and will be normal with time! Easy to say huh?!?!
Lots O Love,
Kell

Wierd

My last post I was feeling so guilty for being healthy and blessed. I guess I should have knocked on wood! With out getting into too much detail, things haven't been 'back to normal.' I have been having terrible pains in my lower tummy but I just thought it was cramps or whatever,... that was two tweeks ago though. I wanted to think it was kinda normal and wait it out and soften the pain with medicine. But I couldn't handel it anymore so I called my doc today. She said that's not good and she rushed me into the lab to get some immediate blood work done. This is going to be the longest night of my life to date. Waiting, Waiting,... for the results.

Trying to keep my spirits up, I will post some neat pics of my weekend up north.

The rainbow after the storm

My cousins graduation. Way to go Bre!

I guess that's all for now. I will keep you posted about the results. God Bless.

Kell

How selfish am I?!?!

I get into my slumps as many of you may have noticed through this blog, and I do have my good days. When I get into my "slumps" or depressed, the most common thought laitly is why did this have to happen to me? There are so many people out there that never have to deal with the loss of a child let alone 2! But the past week I have felt terrible for feeling terrible. I am sooooo selfish! Even though Mike and I went through such a horrible experience, there are yet worse out there.
I am so blessed. You may think I am crazy for saying this having been what we have been through, but I am. God has blessed me with the ablilty to still potentially be able to have children and to have my relativly good health. I am constantly thinking of my friend Katie and I hope all of you are also. I have a link to her blog here on mine. I am asking all of you to check it out and give her a note of encouragment in the comment section! She needs it now more than ever! Katie, if you are reading this just know that a lot of us, including most of all me, are crying with you. I know what I went through was traumatic and heart wrentching but I cannot even begin to understand what Katie is! Please pray for her and her family! God Bless!
~Kell

Bummer...

Come on Red Wings! I was up last night until 1 AM waiting to see the Wings win the cup and ...nothin. I guess it's nice to know that they still have a chance tomorrow night but it would have been nice to win it last night.

GO WINGS!

On a lighter note, it's June! Happy June! That means that it is all that closer to my B-day!!!! Although it doesn't mean as much as it did when I was younger, it's still nice to get excited about it. I guess that the big question is if Mike will remember it or not?!?!?

There's not much else going on. Still taking it day by day. Peace out. God Bless.

Kellie