My thoughts for the day...

As I sit here at my computer, basking in the sun on this glorious day, I find myself being somewhat philisophical. So (as a disclaimer) I will be rambeling on about some stuff that has been running through my head for the past ohh,.... 6 months or so. I would like to remind you that I am only human. I pray to God every night to help me with these thoughts but that darn Satan keeps creeping back in every now and then.
My little girls were born sleeping. And then, a few months later I lost another baby in a misscarraige. That's my life. Unfortunatly, my little girls never got a chance to breath air. I was not able to hold them while the wiggled around or stretched. I had the horrifing experience of knowing that I was carrying two little girls in my tummy that had passed away some few days earlier. I had to go through labor and deliver them, knowing full well that they were already in heaven. Just thinking about it now brings back all the raw emotion of having to deliver my two little girls that were already sleeping.
I find myself comparing my circumstances to others that I have read or heard about. I noticed that I unintentionaly correct people in conversation on what happened to Leah and Maya or about anything else that has happened to me over the past 8 months. I am sorry. It was rude the way that I said it and my intentions were vicious. I just wish so badly that people would understand that we all do not grieve in the same way. We did not all have the same thing happen to us and that's the way God wants it. Some babies got to breath for a day or two, some just minutes, mine, ... none. No matter the situation we all lost our babies.
I would like to dedicate this post to all the mommies out there that had to let their babies go to heaven too early. All of our life situations are special and unique and, like I said befor, that's how God intended it to be (Whether we like it or not). We are all human and we all make mistakes and think things that we later regret. We just gotta keep the faith and know that God is taking good care of our babies until we get there to hold them again. God will help us get through this and He will take care of us as well.
Thanks for taking the time to read my rambelings. God Bless : )
~Kell

Surprise!

It was about one year ago today when we got the surprise of a life time. We were pregnant!!! Oh my goodness were we excited. I actually didn't get a chance to tell Mike until a while later. He was gone hunting when I got the postive test. I was just ready to burst with elation I had to tell someone so I told all my girlfriends befor I told him or my family : ) Ooops! I was just so excited! It's so hard to describe that feeling when you have wanted a baby for a while and you finally find out that you are going to. Excitement, elation, joy, happieness mixed with a little bit of worry and nervousness. Those girls were so loved and wanted. It's just not fair that they were taken from us so soon!
I have been having a hard time getting ready for the holidays. It's been a mix of what last year was like (telling everyone and the 24/7 sickness...) and what I thought this year was suppose to be like (toting the twins around to see the family, the little girl presents, the FOUR stocking not just two,...) This just isn't what it was suppose to be...

What...

...is going on with our animals?!?! As Mike was gone last week hunting, I took care of the animals (as best as I could : ) While doing some house work, Daisey was outside on her collar. I figured she had been out for a couple hours so I would go get her to come inside. This is what I found...
This was taken through the window. I didn't even open the door. She ended up staying outside for a couple more hours! I should have given her a bath but that girl is so strong and she HATES getting a bath it would have been impossible with just me.

Then I continued on my house work and started making a pie when I heard a thump thump. It sounded like Sophie (our cat) was jumping on something. I ignored it and then heard it again a short time later. So as I went to investigate the noise, this is what I found...

Sophie was drinking out of the toilet!!! Her water dish is about 3 feet from where she was but she decided to jump on the toilet and drink out of that instead. She sat there for a good 5 minutes, looked up at me every now and then but continued to sip out the toilet water. I just couldn't believe it. Our animals are soooo weird!

Life, in general

Well,.. There is not much new to post so I thought that I would post a couple of thoughts that I have had over the past few days.
I have been busy, with life, work (coaching), and the crazy dog. I have gotten so caught up, that sometimes I had forgotten to slow down and take life a little slower. But,... sadly when I started to try to do that the other day, all of the sadness from the loss of Leah and Maya started flooding back. I have been a wreck ever since. I just cannot help but to wonder what my life would have been like now. And how badly I wish they were still here. They were taken wayyy to soon!
I sucks that I have to make an effort to be happy. It sucks that I have to make a concious decision to think about the good things in life. Here is my list:
The awesome weather today and for the next couple days.
The political adds will be over soon! Yah!
My health- well,... just my physical health. I am in good shape but my mental health is another story. We won't get into that.
The wicked good apple carmel pizza that I made today. Wow was that good!
Family and all their support. Thanks guys!
Maybe I should just emmerse myself into life again and forget about 'stoping and smelling the roses.' I have allergies anyways! It just stinks that when I get cought up in life, time flies and befor I know it, it is November. Aghh,...