Not a good day

I don't know if it's because of the weather or what but I am in a super yucky mood today! I miss the girls terribly. I miss the thought of holding them, rocking them to sleep, feeding them,... EVERYTHING! I just want them back and in my arms! ~tear~
On this yucky day and with my rotten mood, all I want to do is lay in bed in my PJs, eat a whole sleeve of oreos with a big glass of milk, watch a sad romance and cry the day away. But, I gotta go meet with the family, put my happy face on, and pretend that everything is juuuuuust peachy! Blach! I just hate it that everyone else's life can go on as normal and I am stuck wallowing in sadness. Aghh,.. whatever.

oops...

Sorry, I forgot to post an update from the blood test. My results were,.... 9! Yah. No surgery for Kellie!! I still need to go in for blood work again to get it down below 5 but I am VERY close!! That's all for now. Thank goodness! I just want my life to be boring for a while! Sounds crazy huh?!?! I would love to go a month with no doc visits, no tests, no worries! Oh well,...

Gettin' another poke

Well, I am off to go get more blood tests. When I had my miscarraige I had to go in and get my hormones checked two times. The first time was 200 the next was 90 (that's a good thing I guess). Now my doc is hopeing for around 30. And I will keep getting poked until I reach 5. I hate getting IV's, blood drawn,... so I asked my doc how long this will take to get to 5; and she said some girls are a 5 the next week and some girls it takes months. I don't think I could handel getting poked on a weekly basis for MONTHS! Oy! That's all for now. God Bless.
~Kellie~

well,....

Ok. I suppose I should share some sad news with you all out there. Mike and I found out we were pregnant again about a week ago.

We were so excited!!! (Can you tell by how big my smile is?!?!) But, a few days later I started spotting and I ended up having a miscarraige the next day (Thursday). I am still kinda in shock! It all happened so fast! We are and then we aren't.

I just keep asking myself why? I don't understand what God has against me. Why does he allow me to keep having these heart aches? Why does he not want me to have babies? Why can't I just have the happy healthy family that I have been longing for so long? So, needless to say, the labor day weekend that I had wanted to enjoy for so long, I didn't. It was great weather and everything but I was stuck in my chair for most of the weekend, having to take it easy.

We did get to go to the Tigers game on Monday though. It was a makeup against the Yankees. It was nice I suppose. I think I did too much though because I am just exhausted today. They lost too, so that stinks. Other than that, there isn't much else going on. I think that's enough though!

Pain

Why does God allow so much physical and emotional pain? So much heart ache? I think I have experienced enough for three life times within the past 5 months. I need prayers. I need Gods loving arms to wrap around me in these next few days! Sorry but that is all I feel compeled to share at this moment!

I've been tagged

Ok, so I have been tagged to tell 6 random things about myself that most people don't know. So,.. here it goes.
1. ) I am just about blind. (For those of you who know your eye's, I am a -10 in both eyes) No joke. If I wasn't wearing my contact right now I wouldn't be able to tell that I was sitting in front of a computer. Thank goodness for modern technology. I always wonder what it would have been like for me to live like 100 years ago. I probably would have been considered the crazy blind lady : )
2. ) I am deathly afraid of spiders. Even talking about it right now gives me the willies. I don't know what it is about 'em but I have to check my bed every night and I am always looking at the ceiling making sure none will drop down on me.
3. ) When I was little I never got a sun burn. I pretty much lived at the beach all summer and my skin almost turned black! I remember when I was about 17 I went to Arizona and I got just a little burned on my nose and shoulders and I couldn't believe it. It was all down hill from there.
4. ) The blueberry field that my husband and I own are all one variety and it is the one variety that I really don't like the taste of (bluecrop, blach). Sorry to all those bluecrop lovers out there : )
5. ) I love, love, love to watch thunderstorms. I especially like to watch them form and come in over Lake Michigan. But I usually don't get to go out that much so watching them come in over the farm is a good second. Lightening is just so cool!
6. ) And finally, I am so sorry to say this but I am not going to vote this election year. The whole politics and 'I promise to fix this' and bashing your opponent over whatever just makes me flusterated. I am sick of it. I personally don't like any of the candidates and ,... yah,... I will leave it at that. (P.S. this is the one and only time I will get into talking politics on my blog. That's it.)
SO that was my tag and now I am tagging Kristi : )

3 Years!

Today is our anniversary!! Happy three years hunny. I cannot believe it's been that long. I mean, I can but it just went sooooooo fast!!